Learn from your relationships!

Life teaches us a lot… if we are willing to open our eyes to it. A longer period of being single after one or more relationships can truly show us what we’re really seeking and what we need to work on within ourselves.

Many people jump from relationship to relationship without doing the internal soul-searching. They end up disappointed each time things go south, often blaming the others. This applies to both genders. Blaming, in an exaggerating way, “bimbos” or “bad boys” doesn’t help if one keeps allowing the same cycle to repeat. Fool me more than once, then it’s really on me. If one consistently chooses based on superficial criteria while desiring someone who aligns with inner values, it leads to a form of cognitive dissonance.

There should come a point where one sincerely examines why they are stuck in the same pattern. Often, childhood experiences and a lack of self-love contribute to various attachment issues.

Some endure toxic relationships due to fear of being alone and low self-esteem, while others don’t trust love and their own self-image, self-sabotaging, and fleeing relationships, fearing abandonment when their “true” selves emerge. A significant clue lies in self-love and reaching a point of realizing one is enough… for themselves. This requires effort and healing. Even repeatedly.

There’s gamechanger-learning in failure and understanding where one doesn’t thrive. Sometimes, taking a break from dating for a while allows the pain of being in an unhealthy place to be felt deeply. You may need to experience the excruciating hurt to really grasp where your own traits lead you. If you rush into something similar quickly after the previous relationship, you won’t have had the chance to learn from the previous breakup. Failures often teach us something useful. But we need to open up fully for constructive evaluation of what was good and what wasn’t.

There’s always a balance in why something doesn’t work. We often have more responsibility for failures than we might be willing to admit. Blaming others is naive. Lack of boundaries and obscured vision can lead us to less desirable places. These are valuable learning moments. And yes, sometimes, two good people just don’t work well together in a romantic relationship.

Insight into one’s behaviour provides useful baggage on the journey to future relationships. Humility in acknowledging personal areas for improvement, coupled with enough self-respect not to settle for everything, makes for a better dating life. People spend many hours at the gym to improve their external selves; if we allocated even a fraction of that time to work on our inner selves, relationships would be much better.

As I always say: ‘Don’t drink poison just because you’re thirsty,’ and remember it’s about quality, not quantity. There are many great people out there who truly deserve the best, but sometimes, we need to take accountability for our weak spots in our own armour.

I wish you all a truly wonderful dating life! You got this šŸ‘ŠšŸ”„šŸ™ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø

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